Late Show with David Letterman

Dave's worst moment on last night's debut: his fake tooth fell out (the video is repeated several times in slow motion); a four-year-old geography expert and cheese lover names states on a U.S. map.

A very pregnant Demi Moore is given the honor of throwing the first pencil through the backdrop windows of the Late Show.

The ghost of Ed Sullivan (who haunts Dave throughout the first week) introduces a plate spinner; Andy Dick makes his first appearance as ""Donnie, the CBS Page Who Likes To Suck Up.""

Dave has fun with a car phone, calling in bogus traffic reports to 1010 WINS radio; Casey Kasem presents ""Top Ten Favorite Numbers Between 1 and 10;"" after showing a clip from an old ""Wonder Woman"" episode, Debra Winger strips to her old Wonder Girl outfit.

Dave continues pestering locals with the new hands-free car phone: WINS radio, a car wash, Dial-a-Mattress and Jackson Hole Restaurant, where he orders pancakes.

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Dave takes a cab to help out at Yankee Stadium and later makes fun of Tony Randall; Lenny Kravitz performs ""Are You Gonna Go My Way.""

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The Mars Observer crashes into the studio; Mike Ditka promotes ""NFL on NBC;"" John Hiatt performs ""Perfectly Good Guitar.""

Jerry Garcia sits in with the band; Dave makes several jokes at the expense of Yassir Arafat.

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David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave does part of the show from his ""house"" in Connecticut.

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Ed Sullivan's ghost introduces juggler ""Andy Head;"" Paul & the CBSO play Jerry Lewis out with the coda from Count Basie's ""April In Paris"" (a Lewis signature tune); Dave gives Jerry his take on ""Beavis and Butt-head,"" then Jerry runs around the set and gooses a cameraman; budding sports reporter Sparky Mortimer makes his first appearance; Rod Stewart performs.

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Dave's high-rise buddy Meg Parsont (at a different building) makes her first and only appearance on CBS -- giving a description of her boyfriend Tony to a police sketch artist.

Johnny Cash sings ""Don't Take Your Guns to Town.""

Dave looks at new books for fall; Andy Dick returns as ""Donnie ... the CBS Page Who Likes to Suck Up.""

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""Celebrities in the Audience"" makes its first appearance on the new show, as guests from previous shows are introduced in the crowd -- Glenn Close, Sylvester Stallone, Jerry Lewis, Jimmy Carter, Siskel & Ebert and Bob Borden.

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Natalie Merchant - ""Because the Night""

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Mary Tyler Moore treats Late Show viewers to a video clip of Dave from her 1978 variety show, ""Mary,"" in which she smashes a grapefruit in Dave's face. Also, Dave, Biff, Gaines, Anton and Laurie Diamond get their teeth cleaned.

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""Meet the Neighbors,"" conclusion: The outside cam goes to K & L's Rock America to see Mujibur Rahman and Sirajul Islam, and Dave has them round up Bart Dadon, Fern Chapnick, Rupert Jee, Alexandra Mitsakis and Charlie Levy from the nearby stores and businesses.

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Throughout the night, Calvert reports from the parade; as he does every year, Dave guesses what pies his mother made this Thanksgiving; Gabriel Byrne plugs ""Point of No Return.""

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In ""Bad Phone Call,"" Dave calls the father of Michelle Polikas to tell him she's living with Bob Howard. Also, Dave takes two suckers away from Angel the camera man, and he gives them to Bob and Michelle.

Mandy Patinkin drops by (along with Tony Randall), and asks for rehearsal time. Before Dave gets a chance to say no, Mandy and the CBS Orchestra perform a fully-arranged ""Rockabye Your Baby.""

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Dave buys Paul a fake Rolex off the street; Chris Elliott is on hand for the world premiere of his surrealist art film ""The Traveling Poet.""

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Dave visits some handwriting analysts; Rush Limbaugh promotes his new book.

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Dave comments on FOX taking away CBS' NFL coverage; strongman Dennis ""Mighty Mite"" Rogers lifts weights.

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Chris Elliott performs the title song from ""Cabaret;"" legendary violinist Itzhak Perlman follows with a rendition of ""Danse Espagnole."" After Perlman's performance, Dave wants to go backstage and slap Chris.

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The ghost of Ed Sullivan introduces trampoline star Tom Boleen; Troy Aikman throws footballs into cabs on Broadway, and later, from a trampoline.

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George Carlin promotes his new sitcom; Calvert drops by as ""The Guy Who Thinks Dave's Name is Randy.""

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Dave gets dragged by a cab; the cast of ""Cats"" runs into the Ed Sullivan Theater to take a bow.

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Concrete Blonde – ""Mexican Moon""

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Dave comments on the upcoming Winter Olympics in Norway; staff members Debbie Drimmer, Rick Scheckman and John Beckerman tell all about their vacations last week.

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Peter Frampton sits in; Dave discusses Clinton's health care plan with a group of cab drivers; seven-year-old sheep handler Amanda Archiletta does an on-stage demonstration.

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James - ""Laid""

Throughout the night, champion canines from the Westminster Dog Show walk across the stage; Dorothy does a little shopping in Lillehammer.

Dorothy interviews Tommy Moe; Phil Hartman promotes Greedy.

David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave surveys residents of Scotch Plains, NJ about the Olympics; Bebe Neuwirth promotes ""Damn Yankees"" and her anticipated guest appearance on ""Frasier.""

Dave proposes marriage on behalf of an audience member; UB40 performs ""Higher Ground.""

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Two guys pretending to be Dave and Paul ice skate; Laurence Fishburne promotes Searching for Bobby Fischer.

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Dorothy recaps her two weeks in Lillehammer; Michael J. Fox promotes Greedy.

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Dave shows an anonymous gift (Jonathan Estrada, maybe?) of a block of cheese shaped like Oklahoma. Also, up-and-coming singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow performs ""Leaving Las Vegas.""

Ten cabbies present the Top Ten; Diane Sawyer sneaks in footage of Dave from his weatherman days; Chris Elliott shows a clip from his new movie ""Poolside Ecstasy.""

""New Pharmaceuticals"" include ""Hot 'n' Spicy Tylenol,"" ""L'eggs Metal Pipe Resistant Pantyhose,"" and ""Nipsey's Own Anti-Bacterial Ointment."" Regis interrupts the segment to tell Dave he's not even trying anymore. Also, during her annual Oscars special, Barbara Walters makes Dave cry.

New York native Gurnek Basanti drives his cab into the theater; Dave devours an entire tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

Dave brags about the birth of his nephew; Buck Henry promotes his new book.

""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Get into the Hard Rock Cafe?"" Apparently, he can do it with ease, but ""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Get into the Russian Tea Room?"" Without hesitation, our hero gets a table for one.

Dave watches a live feed of himself watching the show at home while he's taping the show in the theater. Shots include toasting waffles, crying to Kenny Rogers music, milking a goat, and bothering Dan Rather. Also, Madonna drops by to plug her new album, spews profanities with aplomb, then refuses to leave.

A day after Madonna arouses/grosses out the American viewing public by, among other things, offering Dave her underwear, Charles Grodin comes on the show tonight to offer his. Later, musical guest Elvis Costello and the Attractions perform ""13 Steps Lead Down,"" and the nerd-rocker gives Dave his sock.

Dave can't seem to remove his shoe, and with no shoehorn available, he runs outside and asks a cab driver to run over his foot.

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Paul Newman jumps out of the audience, claiming to take a powder when he learns that Madonna won't be on. Instead, he walks across Broadway to see Cats.

Shortly after a baseball-themed Top Ten, Dave goes on a brief rant about how overpaid the players are.

Tonight marks the Late Show debut of ""The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius,"" which pits three men of said traits against each other in various undertakings. Of the three rounds of play, they each win one competition.

Mujibur and Sirajul make a visit to Mickey the barber, and they promptly receive free haircuts. Soon afterwards, Don Rickles goes in for a trim. Also, Liz Phair (in her first appearance on the show) performs ""Never Said.""

""Rejected FDA Items"" include Medicated Pringles, Tic-Tacs with Real Ticks and Tacks, Deodorant with Raisins, Milk with Adjustable Dates, and Madonna Soap; Lyle Lovett and Al Green perform ""Funny How Time Slips Away.""

During Mailbag, Dave discusses a certain much-publicized divorce with ""Roseanne Arnold"" (Gerard). Later, he chats with Boston Marathon winner Uta Pippig.

Dave names Jimmy Johnson as the new head coach of the show; Ellen DeGeneres promotes ""These Friends of Mine.""

Future Dave lead-in Tom Snyder promotes his new (and ultimately doomed) Larry King-style cable talk show.

Dave notices an empty seat in the third row, so he brings in a guy from outside to fill it.

Dave finds a stray blue card on his desk and returns it to Regis and Kathie Lee. Also, Gin Blossoms perform ""Hey Jealousy.""

Donny Osmond and Calvert star in the Late Show's version of the Menendez Brothers' life story.

Dave tries to wake up and gets soaked with Gatorade; Tony Randall helps Mandy Patinkin practice a musical number; Dave ""grills"" seven-year-old hole expert Daniel Lowe.

Dave harasses hotel doormen, and later he chats with NFL draft pick Dan Wilkinson.

The outside cam heads to Times Square, during which Dave invites passerby Amy Butler in to co-host. Later in the show, Dave and Amy reflect on the wonderful weather (he's really just flirting with her).

Dave gets a parking ticket; Robin Williams promotes ""Comic Relief VI.""

Throughout the night, we have an assortment of ""Happy Endings,"" providing a satisfying coda to unusual situations. Also, Dave shows a sample of the new ""Caning Strength Bufferin.""

Dave brings out 70 cases of Gatorade that were received after the stunt in Show #149. Later, he goes up to his office to watch the CBS Evening News.

Dave discusses politics with a bunch of cabbies; Chris Farley demonstrates his physically demanding comedy routine; Sharon Stone waltzes with one of the cabbies.

Dave takes his show to LA for the first time since 1985. Dave throws a pencil into a wading pool that's behind his desk, and a dog retrieves it. Dave then gets into the pool to give the pencil to the dog. Later, another pencil is retrieved from the pool by Billy Crystal; ""Mayor Richard Riordan"" (Calvert) presents the Top Ten; Ray Charles performs ""What'd I Say?""

L.A., Day 2: Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda is seen gulping down Slim-Fast; Dodgers pitchers Orel Hershiser, Roger McDowell, Tom Candiotti and Jim Gott hurl fastballs toward the camera.

LA, Day 3: Dave ends the show early, and then flies back to New York. Paul finds him working the cashier at K&L Rock America, so they bring Mujibur and Sirajul to CBS Television City. Also, Richard Simmons sabotages the Top Ten list because he thinks it's insulting.

L.A., Day 4: It's time for ""Los Angeles Souvenirs,"" including a Fabio Lawn Gnome, Record Industry Weasel Magazine, and a Honk-If-You've-Slept-with-Madonna bumper sticker. ""Madonna"" (Calvert) walks by to tell Dave he's/she's offended, and slaps him.

A very special guest presents the Top Ten (see recap); Bette Midler performs ""Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.""

Travis Tritt performs ""Foolish Pride,"" while Harvey Pekar actually censors himself, much to Dave's chagrin.

Dave finally has his photos from LA developed, and an audience guys helps him display the photos on the Times Square Jumbotron. Later in the show, all of tonight's guests (Slash, James Carville, and Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth) also have their photos taken for the Jumbotron.

It's time for more celebrities in the audience, including Michael J. Fox, Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Shaffer, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Bill Cobsy. Also, Carol Burnett promotes her made-for-TV movie Seasons of the Heart.

Dave quizzes the audience on last week's trip to LA.

Dave freshens up by walking outside the theater, towards a hot dog vendor, and washing his face in the dirty hot dog water. Also, Creepy Dave drops by annoy Dave again: ""What's up?""

Dave makes another bad phone call for an audience member; Rick Moranis promotes The Flintstones, and his interview is interrupted by co-star John Goodman; Tony cleans Dave's desk.

Dave is missing his opening ""billboard"" card with tonight's guests listed on them, so he leaves the theater, goes to the NBC Nightly News studio and gets it from a confused Tom Brokaw.

Dave finds a sports reporter from Indianapolis outside and invites him in; Dave launches ""Top Ten Plus,"" the quicker and more efficient Top Ten list; after Dave mocks a magazine with the headline ""Sweat with Fabio,"" the male model drops a sandbag on the desk, and Dave throws him out of the theater.

Jets take off at JFK Airport; Rosie O'Donnell promotes The Flintstones.

Dave helps Nancy Agostini find an apartment in the city; The Pretenders perform ""Night in My Veins.""

Dave escorts the Stand-by Audience (all 40 of 'em) to a restaurant a few blocks away from the Ed Sullivan Theater. He later invites sailors in the audience to visit FlashDancers across the street.

Dave hands out ""Warning Label"" props to the audience; another ""CBS Special Report"" finds Alan Richardson reporting on his socks.

Dave's coffee is cold, so he goes out and warms it himself with a taxi battery; George Miller comments on today's solar eclipse; Dave picks a dead fly off his sport coat.

An audience member plays a staged version of ""The Price is Right,"" and wins a can of flour. Also, Michael Buffer fills in for Billy Wendell, announcing tonight's guests (not to mention Paul and the flour guy) with his distinct baritone.

Mujibur and Sirajul begin their Coast-to-Coast Tour, leaving NYC on a private jet; Keanu Reeves promotes Speed; Dave interviews David Brenner about his new radio show, and oddly enough, Dave will be David's first guest on his radio show premiere the next day.

On their first leg of the Coast-to-Coast Tour, Mujibur and Sirajul report from Niagra Falls, saluting the US flag. Paul says the idea ""looked great on paper."" Also, Dave chats with Hakeem Olajuwon of the NBA Champion Houston Rockets.

Dave selects two audience members to receive tickets to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Marv Albert hands out the tickets and shows a hockey blooper.

Three members of the 1994 Stanley Cup Champion New York Rangers drop by, and later they let Morty take a picture of the Cup.

Jon Lovitz laments the demise of ""The Critic;"" Sandra Bullock promotes Speed.

Stone Temple Pilots – ""Vasoline""

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After a technical error prevents it from being performed the previous night, Dave presents the rest of the ""NBA Finals Quiz."" Now feeling a little queasy due to all the stress of the past two nights, Dave points out that he has a body double that will stand in for him when the time comes for him to get medical attention. Also, Dan Rather sings ""Wreck of the Old 97.""

John Mellencamp – ""Wild Night""

On their latest stop, Mujibur and Sirajul get serenaded by Tom Jones in Las Vegas. Wondering who's been operating K&L Rock America while they've been gone, Dave finds Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert running the shop in their place.

Barbra Streisand walks on the set and gives Dave two tickets to her show at Radio City Music Hall. Dave gives them away to a woman in the audience.

""Coast to Coast with Mujibur and Sirajul"" -- tonight, they're fly-fishing in Madison Valley, Montana, with their teaching guide, Craig.

In a spoof of Home Shopping Network, Dave sells ""Dave and Paul Collection Plates,"" giving out the phone number of head writer Rob Burnett. Also, Dave invites Megan and Tim, a couple from Kansas City, in from the storm, gives them towels to dry off, and offers them seats by the spiral stairway, where they stay throughout the show.

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Dave takes a cue card from Tony Mendez, re-reads a joke and then has the cue card passed around the audience. Later, Calvert DeForest dresses up as Barbra Streisand and performs ""The Way We Were,"" and guest Richard Simmons sings a patriotic medley.

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Dave leaves the show after the monologue and heads upstairs to read Wresting Magazine with his face in a mud mask, and Paul retrieves him. Later, famed soccer commentator Andres Cantor repeats his most famous line to Dave: ""ggoooooooooaaaaaaallllll!""

The Runaway Camera is roaming the streets of New York City, getting squeegied, hit by a bike, down a manhole, running into Rupert Jee, and going into ""Cats"" and ""Flashdancers."" Later, in dueling clips, Dave shows embarassing clips of Tom Hanks from ""The Love Boat,"" ""Taxi,"" and ""Happy Days."" Tom retaliates with an embarassing clip of Dave from ""Mork and Mindy.""

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Dave returns to outside the Today Show set and displays his sign: ""Happy 100th Birthday, Willard""; in honor of the 25th anniversary of the moon landing, we see Dave accomplishing the same feat; Midnight Oil performs ""Sometimes.""

Ricki Lake promotes her supporting role in the upcoming Cabin Boy; Gary Sinise plugs Forrest Gump.

""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Say Hello on a N. Y. C. Pay Phone?"" The answer? Mais oui! Also, one of the all-time great Stupid Pet Tricks makes a triumphant return when Kevin Dechico and his dog ""Air Buddy"" shoot hoops onstage.

Cold opening: Kenny Rogers tells Dave when to hold ‘um and when to fold ‘um. Dave also stops the show midway through to just kick back in his chair and relax, then reflect on the show thus far.

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Dave fills up a pothole outside the studio with joke cards; Jim Carrey's limo is towed away.

The pothole Dave filled up with blue joke cards the previous night is sealed by none other then Mayor Guiliani; the pothole is danced upon by several fabulous babes performing Rockette-style kicks; Gin Blossoms and Kiss perform ""Christine Sixteen.""

A severed head perks out of the pothole; a doctor stands in the backdrop in case Dave suddenly becomes sick during the show; Sirajul asks a group of fishermen in South Dakota what they think of hometown boy Tom Brokaw.

Dave comments on Tony's cue card work, then makes a bad phone call for an audience member with mother issues.

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Dave attends the Whitewater Hearings; up-and-coming starlet Cameron Diaz promotes ""The Mask""; Dave finally chats with Stevie Nicks (whose manager Dave criticized several years before).

The show is interrupted all night long by (bogus) CBS News special reports by anchor Alan Richardson, who sings, is beaten up by a bus driver, pitches Mountain Dew and swears about the prime lending rate.

After Dave sings a horrible rendition of ""Oklahoma,"" Paul demands to hear a better version. Soon after, John and Bonnie Raitt come on stage to show Dave how it's done.

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Dave and model Inna Mirovich toss back some vodka. Later, Howard Stern admits that he had to drop out of the New York governor's race because he refused to reveal his yearly income.

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Dave looks at ""What's On Other Channels;"" the Smothers Brothers perform.

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Rupert brings soup to tonight's guests; Dave reflects on the Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie Presley wedding.

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