Burnistoun

The Burnistoun hitman discovers it's not easy to assemble a weapon of choice, there's an extremely awkward question about to be asked on the top deck of a Burnistoun bus, a visit to the town's first-ever cloning warehouse, and a local photographer hopes to develop a relationship with wannabe popstar Kelly McGlade.

There is frustration for one hungry Burnistoun inhabitant hell-bent on buying rolls, hopeful popstar Kelly McGlade hones her on-stage repartee, the competition for paid employment turns nasty in Burnistoun Bob-a-Job week, and the latest police drama on BBC Burnistoun features a twist that even the coppers can see coming.

Burnistoun's most persistent market researcher literally takes a lifetime to get some answers, wannabe girl band member Kelly McGlade takes her story to the Burnistoun Herald, the Burnistoun boozer is buzzing with tall tales of local gangsters, and the police demonstrate a foolproof interview technique which works purely by rearranging the furniture.

A frank exchange of views between two Burnistoun MSPs, a distinct absence of females when the best pub in Burnistoun holds a ladies' night, world-famous clothes designer Larl Kagerfeld makes imaginative use of some unlikely local accessories, and wannabe pop star Kelly McGlade is sick of sharing the limelight and fires her bandmates to go solo.