Abolish Everything!

Amy Muller, Randall Otis, Michelle Chan Bennett, and Dan Toomey abolish singing the national anthem at sporting events, Cybertrucks, the name Jazz, and porn…that’s bad for you. Rebutting them this week as part of The Political Establishment are Rachel Coster, Ibhan Kulkarni, Josh Nasser, and Andy Vega.

Josh Gondelman, Ena Da, Jeremy Kaplowitz, and Augusta Chapman abolish confidence, planes, Liquid Death, and “Getting Involved in Some Hoopla.” Rebutting them this week as part of The Political Establishment are Jamie Linn Watson, Charlie Bardey, Nicole Conlan, and Andy Vega.

Lukas Arnold, Maggie Mae Fish, Vannessa Jackson, and Jonathan van Halem abolish the English language, slow walkers, TikTok couples, being asked to turn off the big light. Rebutting them this week as part of The Political Establishment are Glo Tavarez, Alex Song-Xia, Josh Nasser, and Andy Vega.

Sila Puhl, Dorian Debose, Matt Krol, and Maeve Dunigan abolish hot medical professionals, sunscreen, lecterns, and mascots that are people. Rebutting them this week as part of The Political Establishment are Jamie Linn Watson, Alex Song-Xia, Brielle DeMirjian, and Andy Vega.

Kenice Mobley, Foreign Man in a Foreign Land, Henry Block, and Ryan Ciecwisz abolish twins having strokes, reaction creators, Meryl Streep and Uber drivers slamming Ryan’s penis in car doors because he won’t stop playing harmonica. Rebutting them this week as part of The Political Establishment are Glo Tavarez, Josh Sharp, Kylie Brakeman, and Andy Vega.

Michael Kandel, Carson Olshansky, Graham Techler, and Charu Sinha abolish sports betting, guys who aren’t looking for anything serious kissing Carson on the forehead, telling Graham he can’t have extremely inexpensive back-to-school supplies from Staples, and corporeal forms. Rebutting them this week as part of The Political Establishment are Rachel Coster, Brielle DeMirjian, Kylie Brakeman, and Andy Vega.

In this double-length season finale, eight of our most triumphant abolitionists return to abolish one last thing—and be crowned this season’s Abolish Everyking (Gender Neutral). Augusta Chapman, Vannessa Jackson, Amy Muller, Ikechukwu Ufomadu, Henry Block, Annie Rauwerda, Charu Sinha, and Maeve Dunigan abolish being too cool, the young adult section in bookshops, just taking a little piece of cake, the moon, songs with instructions, acronyms and initialisms, cars, and winging it. Rebutting one last time this season as part of The Political Establishment are Jamie Linn Watson, Josh Nasser, Brielle DeMirjian, and Andy Vega.